ACID FLASHBACK: 1978-83 Mercury Zephyr

1978-83 Mercury Zephyr
I want a hamburger. No, cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips…

There can’t be too many left. Especially if you drove them like my brother and I did. It seemed like a good idea in the winter of 1980: replace the 7 seater Oldsmobile with a smaller, lighter car. The choices were basically Fairmont vs. GM A-body.  Even my Dad knew that the AMC Concord and the Aspen/Volare twins were decrepit old shitboxes rooted in the 1960s.

I can tell you first hand that:

  • it’s woefully underpowered.  88-hp is just not enough.
  • The only thing imaginative is the hybrid strut front suspension and aluminum bumpers instead of heavy chromed steel.
  • Everything else is derivative. The headlight/running light pattern is from every other American sedan of the day. The vents are leftovers from Mark V production. Everything is a rectangle.
  • It’s not that efficient.  The trunk is shallow. The seats are basically amorphous slabs of foam on the floor.
  • Did I mention cheap? Everything inside is brittle plastic, thin vinyl or flimsy urethane.

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1980 Mercury Zephyr

1980 Mercury Zephyr
it’s not a cop, Jody

Cop or not?  When you come speeding up behind on of the Frat’s little sisiters flashing your brights, it’s sometimes hard to tell.

1980 Mercury Zephyr

1980 Mercury Zephyr
cop or not?

 

June 28, 1981, give or take three months

What substituted for a decent car.

Me:  “Oooh 8 Barrel. This car feels so European”
8:  “STFU, n00b. you have never been to Europe. Riding (or crashing) in a Fiat or speeding or egg missions in a POS Opel do not count as expertise. Ass. “

POS 2.3L I-4 – 88hp.

1980-1984 or 85