Life imitates… life?

2000 Dodge Grand Caravan Sport2000 Dodge Grand Caravan Sport

A million years ago, my Hyundai was a piece of shit, and the wife wanted a minivan.  A $27,000 7 passenger minivan.  Why that one?  Because the second row had built in booster seats.  Any van could have managed the soccer mom, grocery getter jobs, but we needed a palatial stretch with painted bumpers and a useless spoiler in order to get the bucket seats that folded down into boosters, so that kid 2 didn’t need a separate booster seat.

(Yes, I went along with this bullshit.  Mea culpa. I didn’t do the math and I hoped to get laid out of the deal.

Karma:  What a shock.

Or at least rank higher than the kids.)

Anyway, the point is a $13,000 premium for excess capacity, some pointless doodads, just to get the convenience of not moving a booster seat from car to car or just buying a new one for Kid 2.  (and a surrendered man card.)  But the kid was worth it.

Fast forward to 2011.  Wife is now EXwife.  Kid 2 is explicitly behind Kid 1 in that house, which is not news.  What is news, is that she is explicitly behind the boyfriend.*  So much so that ex cut her loose – “Go live with your dad.”

*Kid 1 is likely also behind the BF in most respects, but that is more of a subliminal message and a race to 18 before she figures it out at this point.

The good news for Kid 2:  Dad has the palace.  Kid 2 doesn’t have to worry about rankings or position because home means not keeping score.  Kid 2 does chores and gets breakfast.  And, Dad got his man card back.

I’ll take collossal mistakes for $27,000

2000 Dodge Grand Caravan Sport
My man card is hereby surrendered


Wife:  I hate this car – it’s old.
Wife:  We could get a minivan.
Wife: Here’s a minivan with built in booster seats so Kid # 2 doesn’t inconvenience us with moving the booster from one car to the other. It’s only $10,000 more than the base model and only $15,000 more than a year old used one.
Car Salesman: You can lease it for three years @ $479 a month!
Wife: Yay!
Me: *maybe I’ll get laid out of this*


Wife:  I hate minivans.  I want a jeep!
Car Salesman:  You can have this Jeep Liberty with almost no options, not even 4WD and save $80/mo. to say you drive a Jeep with less utility than that van!
Wife:  Yay!
Me: *maybethis time I’ll get laid out of this*
Wife:  *of course he will! (Just not in the literal sense, except for once, three years from now)

Nothing else to say, really.