David E. Davis Was Wrong

He said the A-bodies would be the most successful GM cars ever.  Why was he wrong?

  • No v. 1.0 models exist any longer.  There are plenty of 1.5s like this – well, more than zero – and you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a 2.0.  Still, Cadillac Escalade.  Boom, roasted.
  • This?  AYFKM?  Yellow on the outside, brown on the inside?  Bizarro world dog turd is what that is.
Buick Century 1.5
Chocolate velvet on the inside

Nevermind that Papa Don drove one like this – he got the employee discount, or, more likely, they paid him to take this shitbox.

Nevermind too, that Phid introduced me to the song Delirious in the 1982 version of this car.

CMU road trips.

    What to drive

    Pontiac G8

    Phid grows up and buys Godzilla to outrun these assholes.

    Yes, it has a Hemi, that you’re about to pay for

    What to drive

    when you’re an asshole scoutmaster, because:

    1977 Mercury Colony Park
    I thought you pulled out already?

    • if you’ve got to rear end somebody…

    True Story:  I rear-ended my scoutmaster at an intersection. This is a traffic accident and not anything else.  Assholes.  (I nearly killed Phid and cross traffic 5 years later at the same place. Something is karmically bad with Marquises (Marquii?) there.)  The one cool thing this bastard ever did was to wait until after the campout was over to report the accident, which saved me a ticket.  The other one cool thing is that he let me drive this bitch on a paper drive.  FYI, you can’t drift these barges with 800 lbs. of old Playboys in the wayback, unless you have about 3x the engine power.

    • plenty of room for “Chipmunks
    • Yellow?  What. The. Fuck?  What kind of dumbass would ever buy a yellow car?  Wait.  Nevermind.

    Phid comes to Phoenix?

    1966 Chevrolet Corvair
    It could happen

    but not in his Corvair.  It’s in this kind of shape.

    Chevrolet Corvair
    No need to worry about Unsafe at Any Speed. “Ran when parked” is not a speed.

     

     

     

     

    1979 Chevrolet Camaro Berlinetta

    1978 Chevrolet Camaro Berlinetta
    Wire wheel covers say “I go fast – to the disco. Now go make me a drink”

    Where I saw one: In front of Dr. Happy Finish’s office complex, down the street from the Polynesian Massage therapist.

    1979 Chevrolet Camaro Berlinetta
    Mmm. Pointy,yet soft (TWSS!). A rear spoiler would help add 10 hp.

    Nostalgia factor: -3/10
    Baseline: 0, since I never personally owned one. -10 for being a Camaro. Woo hoo, Mustangs. Yee hah! -4 for being a Chevy. Fords rule, bitches. +1 for ditching the crappy fiberglass and the awful fender seams for plastic and slightly better seams; -1 for looking like shit compared to the original. +1 for looking less like a Vega, the second shittiest car ever. +1 for an ass that inspired a Benz. +1 for being cushy (for its era); -1 for being soft – whitewalls? Wire wheel covers? Where did I put my man purse? -1 for having no real connection to Ferrari or anything remotely Italian; +1 because that includes being unrelated to FIAT, shittiest Italian cars ever (pardon the redundancy).

     -1 for being unfixable without professional help. -1 for being a B&E magnet for crackheads.+10 for chauffeuring me on a fateful otherwise-DUI, or passed out in a gutter night or two. +2 for being an improvement over Pretty Boy‘s yellow, 3 speed manual with a front half vinyl roof ’75 version.