Legacy Car Problems

2015 Mustang?
ILLUSTRATION BY JON SIBAL VIA CARANDDRIVER.COM

2015 Ford Mustang: 25 Cars Worth Waiting For 2014–2017 – Future Cars – Car and Driver.

While the current Mustang is slavishly, unimaginatively retro, Ford has pretty much mined out its glory days, the as-yet unrealized Mustang II redux notwithstanding. So the next car will be fearlessly modern. Many Mustang faithful are up in arms at the ­prospect of Ford’s next hot rod looking too much like the 2011 Evos concept car, but we have confidence. Between the Focus and the Fusion, Ford’s styling department is on a hot streak.

The current S197 Mustang has been a wild success for Ford, recalling, and sometimes relentlessly aping the styling of late 1966-1970 Mustangs.  This latest rendering of the 2015 Ford Mustang by Car and Driver switches the derivative look  from its own storied history to its Ford stablemates, particularly the Fusion, and to would-be competitors like the Hyundai Genesis Coupe (and maybe even the Nissan 370Z). Continue reading “Legacy Car Problems”

Ford “Mustang” II

Ford Mustang II
They shoot horses, don’t they? They should

Where I saw one: North Phoenix. It’s for sale, if you’re a masochist.

Nostalgia factor: -26/10 – THE WORST CAR EVER

Baseline: 0, since I never personally owned one. +1 because Pod had one, -1 for orange, -1 because Yoko had one too, -+1 for Yoko’s being (appropriately) the color of shit, -1 because I never got laid in one, +1 because I never had to drive one, -1 because I did have to drive a couple of Pintos, which are the same thing, +1 because this one has a V-8, -1 because the starter motor in my Mustang puts out more net power, -1 for being unreliable pieces of shit,+1 for not usually being able to explode if they don’t run, +1 for its ability to navigate two track dirt roads, -14 because the sheriffs will laugh and point, +1 for its ability to get airborne, -1 for its inability to land gracefully, +413 for not killing Pod or Phid, -217 for soiling the name “Mustang”,-212 for “Mach One“, “Cobra II ” “King Cobra“, +1 for for being such a regrettable shitbox that the next iteration did not get called “Mustang III,” which would therefore legitimize the “II”s as “real” Mustangs, +2 because this complete disaster of a “car” at least this allowed Pod and Phid (by proxy) to join me, 8 Barrel and my gigolo Dad as Mustang owners – Pod and Phid’s membership just comes with an asterisk for the whole Pinto in drag thing: at least 8’s precursor and mine have respectable DNA. (Or at least less unrespectable DNA).