You might be a dumbass if…

kia sephia
Yes, the resemblance of “Sephia” to “syphillis” IS quite a coincidence

you drive a ’94 Kia Sephia.  I drove a pre-production one at a focus group event.  It was my “prize” for owning a Geo.  The identity of the Sephia was easy enough to deduce once I looked at the tape one the steering wheel.  K-I-A is a pretty recognizable silhouette, people.  (Not the cool kind either)  This is one of the biggest shitboxes you can imagine.  It’s owners must be excellent drivers because just looking at it cross eyed will total it out.

How to tell you are pussywhipped

four clues right here

  1. you drive a minivan.  Extra pw points because it’s a sensible budget KIA
  2. “SLOW DOWN baby on board” sticker.
  3. “I <4 my wife” sticker
  4. Grocery store parking lot

This is the automotive equivalent of a lion fish suit.  Everything about it says “stay away chicas.  I am not on the market.”  Not being on the market and loving your wife is all well and good.  Advertising it to the world to appease your wife in the hope of getting a piece of something ?  You are so whipped, dude.  Just cut it off already, because she probably hates you for agreeing to the display of your emasculated-ness.

At least you’re not a Mustang driving douchebag.  Oh wait.  Nevermind.