So say Melanie V. and Chuck Riker
It’s a slow, gloomy Tuesday commute, when out of nowhere, this cream-colored nightmare comes storming into view.
Not only is it exhibit A in how to take America’s most successful car of the day, the ‘77 Cutlass, make it smaller (good), even less powerful (bad), and less aggressive, by halving the number of lights (emasculatingly bad). Then, for ’79, change the grille to make it even uglier. (Two fat sections per side instead of three more slender ones.)
This was the exactly car I took my high school driving test in. Thanks again to my now dead instructor for that D+. That right there is the sole reason I am not your president this very minute.
(I at least did better than Laura Haas with the nice “aas”)
Despite $1.30 to 1.40 for a gallon of gas and astronomical insurance rates… Some of these cars are used solely for transportation to work or school. Other common uses are for mobile parties and for activities prohibited by a recent Supreme Court decision. One individual’s “beast,” as he called it, looked like a combination para-military mobile command post (replete with numerous clubs, a Fuzzbuster, and a notorious spotlight), and a mobile party store. Such blatantly obscene law-ignoring vehicles were, fortunately, very, very rare…
–Some idiot, a million years ago in an irrelevant puff piece
Driver’s ed in the 80s:
What is the most kick ass vehicle in this picture?
- The 1981 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme? At least it has a vinyl roof
- The 1980-82 Ford Thunderbird? It could use a kick in the ass to mute its fugliness.
- One of the 2 1980 Mustangs?
- One of the 2 1980 Olds Omegas (the shitty 4 cyl X-bodied ones, not the 350 V8 Nova clone I drag raced in my drivers ed)
- One of the two undisguised Fairmonts (it’s hard to see the wagon behind the sedan)? [Undisguised, as opposed to the Fairmont Mustang and Fairmont T-bird]
NO, none of these. The coolest vehicle is the Puch moped in front of the ticket booth to the football field in the background. It is very likely the fastest vehicle as well.
No Pintos? How the hell can I master parallel parking without the all glass hatch to cheat with?