Acid Flashback Thursday: 1979 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme

1979 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme
This is not your driver’s ed teacher’s Olds – oh wait, it is

It’s a slow, gloomy Tuesday commute, when out of nowhere, this cream-colored nightmare comes storming into view.

Not only is it exhibit A in how to take America’s most successful car of the day, the ‘77 Cutlass, make it smaller (good), even less powerful (bad), and less aggressive, by halving the number of lights (emasculatingly bad).  Then, for ’79, change the grille to make it even uglier. (Two fat sections per side instead of three more slender ones.)

Still, in a world where Thunderbirds and Monte Carlos were the shit, this isn’t the worst  thing out there – the 4 door slantbacks with fixed rear windows take that prize.

This was the exactly car I took my high school driving test in.  Thanks again to my now dead instructor for that D+.  That right there is the sole reason I am not your president this very minute.

(I at least did better than Laura Haas with the nice “aas”)

The Best of Times

1973 Plymouth Fury
the ultimate road warrior

Despite $1.30 to 1.40 for a gallon of gas and astronomical insurance rates… Some of these cars are used solely for transportation to work or school.  Other common uses are for mobile parties and for activities prohibited by a recent Supreme Court decision.  One individual’s “beast,” as he called it, looked like a combination para-military mobile command post (replete with numerous clubs, a Fuzzbuster, and a notorious spotlight), and a mobile party store.  Such blatantly obscene law-ignoring vehicles were, fortunately, very, very rare…

–Some idiot, a million years ago in an irrelevant puff piece

1979 Mercury Marquis
where have I seen this one before?

It’s a wonder we didn’t all just kill ourselves

Driver’s ed in the 80s:

Loy Norrix driver's ed
8 mph laps of the parking lot. Next stop: autobahn

What is the most kick ass vehicle in this picture?

NO, none of these. The coolest vehicle is the Puch moped in front of the ticket booth to the football field in the background. It is very likely the fastest vehicle as well.

No Pintos?  How the hell can I master parallel parking without the all glass hatch to cheat with?