to say it: it’s NOT “ora-gaan” “ore-gone” or “South Washington”
Lamborghini Gallardo: Italian for fuel efficiency.
Motorcraft battery: It’s Arizona, it’s been two years. I am dead.
Me: Thanks for the warning. What to do, what to do?
Ford three-year bumper to bumper warranty: Well, FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE we’d like you to call roadside assistance, who will dispatch a tow truck (hopefully not these guys) to bring your prized car to your Ford dealer, who will dx the problem and give you a Ford OEM solution. Plus, rental car while your car is out of service.
Me: oh that is just stupid. It’s a battery. $89 at Autozone and it’s fixed in my own driveway in 20 minutes.
Autozone: Actually, it’s $102.
So, being filled with generosity towards Ford and a desire not to waste my time or their money on something I have seen every two years like clockwork on every car that has endured a Phoenix summer, I did self-help. As I successfully did with two Chryslers, I just mailed the receipt with a hey, here is the deal, I fixed it, pay me back letter.
Nice try, asshead. Your warranty covers Ford dealer repairs, unless there is an emergency [defined in the warranty book as “would take more than 30 days”]. You should have called us. How do we know you replaced it with OEM spec parts. Check your manual.
I did check my manual, and it said, emergency warranty repairs get paid by dealers. So, I went there (40 mi. round trip) and explained the whole WTF nature of this runaround. They noted that my battery purchase was at 5:54 in the evening, but their parts dept was still open (for 6 more minutes).
Me: You could not get a tow truck to me in 6 minutes.
Power Ford North Scottsdale: You’re right.
Me: Tow plus parts plus labor =$250. Dr. G’s driveway repair = $102. Math is easy.
Ford dealer: You’re right.
Me (in my head): Dude, I so want one of those new Fiestas. PLEASE don’t make me swear off Fords just as you are about to reenter the small car market with something decent.
Ford dealer (over dealership intercom): Dude, you do know you have no inner monologue, right?
They submitted a new reimbursement request on Monday. I got a check from them yesterday. Logic > contract terms.
In our last episode, Budget Rent A Car inside Fry’s did not have anyone at their service counter, because some guy was washing the salesman and hooker smell from a Dodge Penis Compensator Charger. How “convenient.”
Today, still washing, but there is a second guy there to actually service the customers.
No sign stating “I am right here, for your ‘convenience,'” which would have been pretty funny.
But back to the other guy. He has a Dodge shitbox Neon Caliber that needs to be vacuumed, and the bird shit licked off its hood. I go in, the hood is getting its tongue bath; I come out and the mondo suck 9000 is removing all the crusty fries from between the seats.
So how does this translate to hating America? Simple. On both passes, the engine was running. Sweet Jesus motherfucking tomatoes, what the hell are you doing? Do you not understand the most basic concepts of supply and demand? You are creating demand. OPEC is not creating additional supplies to compensate. Price goes up. Thanks so much, especially after another $55 fill up yesterday. The world is a better place because you were spared the burden of stopping and restarting a car 10 minutes later. I should be grateful.
[Ed.: We are reminded by eagle-eyed reader OG Fred that because the subject car was a Dodge Caliber, restarting it after stopping it is not all that much of a guaranteed outcome. (Like Marky Mark’s Nova in Invincible.) So, maybe the dude had no real choice. So, never mind.]