Give it your best shot
In the 70s, everybody was on drugs. Exhibit A: The Ford Maverick/ Ford (no, nobody thinks it’s a fucking Mercedes) Granada/Mercury Monarch/ Lincoln (“pretend it’s completely unrelated”) Versailles. All of these are ultimately based on the ‘60 Falcon. Classy! Who the hell thought this was a better idea? Who would be seen in it while sober?
Alternatively, the 1970s must have been a time of great vision into the future*, an ability just like Saruman or Darth Vader, because that tumor-like bulge in the trunk must surely be covering some 26” dubs (which were not even invented in 1979 – not even in study hall).
*This can be explained, again, by the drugs. How come nobody sold that shit at my school?
Ford GT – $200,000
2 days, 9 miles worth of insurance – $1,295
How Not to Fuck Up Your Ubermobile Before You Get to Mile # 10 Course at Bondurant – From $500
Spending your time and money trying to impress the Beer babe with your inherent studly driving abilities while driving through Bushwood, instead – priceless about $60,000 at MAACO.
Doomed, I tell you.
Not for the lactose intolerant…
1. Their all new 2006 Buick Lucerne looks like a Jetta
I get confused every time I see one.
2. They have a full-page ad in this month’s Car and Driver, plus an aggressive TV ad campaign. The pitch point? Not the big ass V8, or “Stabilitrak” or “Magnetic Ride Control.” No, it’s heated washer fluid. (No, not this kind (See B)). WGAF? Really? Who? Oooh, scratch the crud off the windshield in the print ad so we can brag about our hot liquid magma washer goo. Woo-hoo!2.a. “Buick – Beyond Precision.” Beyond stupid.3. It’s almost too easy…Lucerne, meet Lucerne
It’s not like they didn’t have fair warning.