Scottsdale Motorsports Gathering April: “Hookers and Squirrels” Grows Up

Since I moved here from Earth, I knew Saturdays were a good day for spotting exotics along Scottsdale Road. I thought nothing of it except that people with money were showing off their toys. Maybe the seeming concentration on this one street was some sort of Enzyte display. Scottsdale Road is mostly the eastern border of Parasite Paradise Valley ($$$$$$) separating it from the mere mortals of Scottsdale ($$$$). after all.

Somewhere in the last five or seven years, I discovered a car show on Scottsdale road that happened the first Saturday of each month at a strip mall. At the time, it was called Cars and Coffee. It started as a couple of rich dudes meeting on a Saturday morning for coffee and swapping stories about their fancy wheels. By the time I discovered it, the show had a hundred cars or more on display and hundreds of spectators, from dandies and car guys to regular people.

Also cops. Plenty of cops.

Better than the sheer mass of cool cars, every single time I encountered at least one car I had never seen in the flesh before. Sometimes one I didn’t know existed.

Like the weirdest Dodge Viper ever…

It was phenomenal.

The quality of the show ebbed and flowed (always great, not always stellar) as the crowds grew, and with attempts to accommodate the throngs of people (like car clubs) who wanted to be a part. And, spotting my personal unicorns became more of a hope than an expectation. Not that I am complaining, because: “free show.” Also, I sat in an Enzo because the owner was cool with it.

With success came growing pains. A new name, to avoid a trademark fight with Penske over “Cars and Coffee.” I still think Hookers and Squirrels was the best go-to.

The mall ran out of parking early. Part of this was because of territorial spats with some of the open-early tenants. And their pylons. And their private pylon enforcing gruff dudes. Part of it was more sponsors and their space needs. Part of it was all the goddamn dealers and custom houses hoping to find buyers. It really started to feel like the soulless overkill of SEMA meets Tex Earnhardt, shoved into a sardine can.

All that changed Saturday. Yes, SMG is still at a mall. Also, it’s now in Phoenix (just barely). But it’s a big mall – there were about 500 display spots, even then they turned people away. That seemed like more of a spectator safety issue than lack of spots. Show up late? Park with the commoners.

Like this guy.

There’s plenty of parking. This is a good thing, because “offsite parking” means the shoulder of the 101. There is traffic control and a plan.

Cops? Yeah, that’s going to take some time for PPD to CTFO. They’ll get there, at least with the show.

Pay attention to the 488 when this is over, not my Daytona.

You’re on your own leaving, though.

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