How Sausage Is Made

1982 Lincoln Continental Mark VI Bill Blass
It’s no 1979 model, but i still want to have its babies

This, after 30 years of basting, is one of my favorite cars of the 1980s. One of the lamest then/coolest  now features is the “carriage roof,” the fake convertible top first introduced on the 1979 Mark V. It worked on those because they were styled as 2 door hardtops.

Naturally, if people were dumb enough to spend 3 grand on a fake convertible roof on a Mark, then why not on a 4 door or a car with limo doors (Cougar, anyone?).

Lincoln Mark VII
Why? Oh Why?

In shopping for a vintage ride for Lurlene, I came across an Emilio Pucci Mark.  Done right, it looks like this: 1983 Lincoln Continental Mark VI Pucci

However, this is the era of sunbleaching and meth, so of course, the dumbass kids got ahold of grandpa’s car and beat the living shit out of it.  That is when you learn what goes on behind the curtain:

1.  It’s not as simple as gluing the fake roof to the real one, like so:

Lincoln Mark VII
Superglue and canvas for the win.

2.  They (Mark VIs) all came with opera windows.  Evidently a piece of tape was the solution to that little problem.

Lincoln Continental Mark VI Pucci
NOT done right. There were no bugs under there, you meth-heads!

3.  Evidently, the funky roofline was the result of fiberglass boob implants

Lincoln Continental Mark VI Pucci
You’re going to need a new Wonder Bra, miss lady

So know we know. We know important things, like walk away

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