Ford: I guess we DO need you as a customer after all…

Motorcraft battery:  It’s Arizona, it’s been two years.  I am dead.
Me:  Thanks for the warning.  What to do, what to do?
Ford three-year bumper to bumper warranty: Well, FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE we’d like you to call roadside assistance, who will dispatch a tow truck (hopefully not these guys) to bring your prized car to your Ford dealer, who will dx the problem and give you a Ford OEM solution.  Plus, rental car while your car is out of service.
Me:  oh that is just stupid.  It’s a battery.  $89 at Autozone and it’s fixed in my own driveway in 20 minutes.
Autozone:  Actually, it’s $102.

So, being filled with generosity towards Ford and a desire not to waste my time or their money on something I have seen every two years like clockwork on every car that has endured a Phoenix summer, I did self-help.  As I successfully did with two Chryslers, I just mailed the receipt with a hey, here is the deal, I fixed it, pay me back letter.

Ford responded:

Nice try, asshead.  Your warranty covers Ford dealer repairs, unless there is an emergency [defined in the warranty book as “would take more than 30 days”].  You should have called us.  How do we know you replaced it with OEM spec parts.  Check your manual.

I did check my manual, and it said, emergency warranty repairs get paid by dealers.  So, I went there (40 mi. round trip) and explained the whole WTF nature of this runaround.  They noted that my battery purchase was at 5:54 in the evening, but their parts dept was still open (for 6 more minutes).

Me:  You could not get a tow truck to me in 6 minutes.
Power Ford North Scottsdale:  You’re right.
Me:  Tow plus parts plus labor =$250.  Dr. G’s driveway repair = $102.  Math is easy.
Ford dealer:  You’re right.
Me (in my head):  Dude, I so want one of those new Fiestas. PLEASE don’t make me swear off Fords just as you are about to reenter the small car market with something decent.
Ford dealer (over dealership intercom):  Dude, you do know you have no inner monologue, right?

They submitted a new reimbursement request on Monday.  I got a check from them yesterday.  Logic > contract terms.

Lamborghini Gallardo

Picture 896

Picture 897

Why is this car ok and the other pig not OK?  Simple:

  1. It’s parked.  Not running = not burning MY gas.
  2. It has no plate, therefore it is just a piece of inventory.
  3. Not being used for commuting.
  4. These cars serve one purpose:  to get blow jobs for their owners.  There is never anything wrong with that.
  5. (Hummers are for people who lack enough Enzyte and Viagra to accomplish this simple event)
  6. More usable trunk space than an H2
  7. Can beat me in any race (except mpg).  Never criticize your betters – it makes you a small person.