Where I saw one: most recently, in a nightmare in the opposite direction from this nightmare
Nostalgia factor: 0/10 – eminently forgettable
Baseline: 5/10, because i owned one for almost two years. +10 because it was red, the color of bloodlust. -15, because “lust” has no correlation whatsoever with a Hyundai Accent. +1 because I traded it in and got what I owed out of the deal. -20 because I totally got ripped off on the deal. -400 because I traded it in on a minivan. What did I do with my balls. Anyone? Bueller? +400 because the automatic transmission was beginning to get tired of me beating on it all the time. +10 for having an automatic, a “working” (see below) radio/tape deck, cloth seats and A/C, only one of which was on the ’79 Ford Futura I traded in on it.
-10 because the radio was the biggest con job ever. The bass and treble knobs did the same thing – turning up the treble turned down the bass; turning up the bass turned down the treble. Likewise, the balance and fade did the same thing. Left or front put everything on the front left speaker. Right or back put everything – you guessed it – in the right rear speaker.
+5, because it was a serviceable commuter car. -5 because after the thrill of not sitting on yellow vinyl seats with no AC wore off, it was kinda emasculating to be seen in. -1 because it reminds me of low spots professionally and maritally. +10, because compared with later spots in both, it wasn’t the worst thing ever. +10 for the Car and Driver magazine bullshit factor so as to create the result we want.
Mmm. Pointy,yet soft (TWSS!). A rear spoiler would help add 10 hp.
Nostalgia factor: -3/10 Baseline: 0, since I never personally owned one. -10 for being a Camaro. Woo hoo, Mustangs. Yee hah! -4 for being a Chevy. Fords rule, bitches. +1 for ditching the crappy fiberglass and the awful fender seams for plastic and slightly better seams; -1 for looking like shit compared to the original. +1 for looking less like a Vega, the second shittiest car ever. +1 for an ass that inspired a Benz. +1 for being cushy (for its era); -1 for being soft – whitewalls? Wire wheel covers? Where did I put my man purse? -1 for having no real connection to Ferrari or anything remotely Italian; +1 because that includes being unrelated to FIAT, shittiest Italian cars ever (pardon the redundancy).